Japan Admits: Hiroshima Turned Us Into Androgynous Dancing Freaks.

At one time in history there was Bushido. At one time in history Japan was composed of warriors. At one time in history Japan was capable of pulling off Pearl Harbor. Today? Nobody knows what the heck it is, but it’s certainly not composed of the same men that watched 66,000 of their fellow countrymen die instantly in the wake of Hiroshima—and the 75,000 that died after Nagasaki—only to still question whether or not surrendering was a good idea.

Let’s be honest: The United States created the weird, wacky, sometimes insane, sometimes crazy Japan we know today. It all started in Los Alamos (look up July 16th, 1945), and it essentially ended on August 6th later that year. We replaced the guys responsible for the Rape of Nanking with the dancing emasculated mutations that are born of nuclear war.

Most people would agree that bizarre Japanese game shows are preferable to slave labor camps, where corpses were thrown on logs and lit on fire:

When the bodies started to char, their arms and legs twitched, and they sat up as if they were alive. Smoke came out of their burned-out eyes, their mouths opened, and licks of flames came out,” (Frank, Downfall, 161).

However, one can’t help but look at today’s average Japanese male and think, “What the heck happened to you?” It’s great that Japan has joined the ranks of civilized nations, but sad that it’s known more for Hello Kitty and anime than the masculinity of its men.

If we had it all to over again, would we drop the bomb? I hope so. It was the morally correct thing to do. Japan was ready for an American land invasion with 2.5 million troops and a 28 million strong civilian militia. Estimates on American troop loss were up to a million for such an undertaking (on top of the lives that had already been lost). Not a fan of the thousands of American troops we’ve lost in Iraq? Don’t dream of urban warfare in Japan…

The moral of the story is, Japan has some serious issues. We should help get them through the ordeal. We don’t want them getting nostalgic for the Bataan Death March anytime soon, but we also should help the nation that replaced its urge for empire with the urge to be weirdly androgynous, dancing game show freaks.

These are the descendants of Bushido warriors. What happened?


3 thoughts on “Japan Admits: Hiroshima Turned Us Into Androgynous Dancing Freaks.

  1. Good Doctor,

    Nothing good comes from violence, nuclear or otherwise, politics notwithstanding. Too often, the inexperienced succumb to retrospectively justified, illogic. For well-over fifty years, two titans of ever-growing destructive strength stood eye to eye. That threat has not gone away, it has diversified and proliferated.

    Make fun if you wish of the folly that led us to here. Yet, make no mistake, we are all here together.

    On an entirely different note, when did you last speak with your mother?



  2. Silence,

    Nothing good ever comes from violence? It’s that kind of thinking that makes dictators and despots jizz in their pants. They get off on Neville Chamberlains throughout history waving pieces of paper while proclaiming, “Peace in our time!”, which is interesting since Neville Chamberlains get off on the idea that peace at any cost actually brings peace.

    PS: Next time someone calls the U.S. an empire, slap them for me. We had the atomic bomb when no one else did. We could have taken it all, and we didn’t. And there’s nothing anyone could have done about it. We rock.

  3. Good Doctor,

    “Jizz”, let alone in one’s “pants”, is a phenomenon with which I am happily unfamiliar. Yet, like you, I am a student of history. For all the Chamberlains, there are Churchills, Roosevelts, and Stalins, not to mention their would-be nemeses, over time, who often later become partners. It would seem, to me at the very least, that you may have lost site of the fact that revolution and empire are mutually incompatible terms. Certainly citizens of the United States know that and should continue to do so, striving as we always have, to protect liberty and justice, for all.



    P.S.: My very best of regards to your mother. She bears a great burden.

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