Occupy Wall Street Targets Adult Entertainment Industry

The Occupy Wall Street movement is coming for the adult entertainment industry. The world may never be the same.

Because I’m always up for a good interview, I recently wandered down to Zuccotti Park, home of the “Occupy Wall Street” protesters. Lower Manhattan hasn’t been this hopping since the anti-war movement was beating up papier-mâché Dick Cheney effigies. For those who aren’t in the know, the “Occupy” rallies springing up across the United States, while billed as the “American Autumn,” are a still-coalescing movement of all ages. They’re upset with corporate America, the financial system, the political process, and a number of other social-justice themed grievances. Inequalities strike a chord (or was that beats a bongo?) with them. In particular, they call themselves the 99%—foot soldiers standing up to the richest 1% controlling the world’s wealth, and by extension the levers of government.

Walking down Lower Manhattan, I ran across a young man named “Busta”, presumably an alias inspired by the rapper Busta Rhymes. Oddly enough, the original used “Busta” as an alias inspired by an NFL football player, but I digress…

I asked Busta what was next for the movement after leveling the financial playing field for everyday Americans.

Busta: The porn industry. It’s going down (figuratively). They’re making obscene profits off the backs (or was that palms?) of millions of hard working Americans.

Dr. Bizarre: What do you mean?

Busta: Listen. 1% of entertainment industry is snatching up 99% of the slutty, promiscuous women out there. It’s completely unfair. I think we’re planning to hold a candlelight vigil outside Vivid Entertainment’s headquarters. I heard when the candles melt the liquid can be used as a cherry flavored lubricant, so it’s environmentally friendly…

Dr. Bizarre: But doesn’t the adult entertainment industry provide a relatively cheap, high quality product that you enjoy?

Busta: Sure. Sure. But it doesn’t matter. Didn’t you hear me? They’re making profits!

Dr. Bizarre: True, but they’re also investing those profits into new products. And you can always go into business for yourself, can’t you?

Busta: Getting into business for myself? In the porn industry? Are you nuts? No thanks. I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to do that.

Dr. Bizarre: So what do you have the time, energy, and desire to do?

Busta: I’m not sure. I think I’d be a great interior decorator.

Dr. Bizarre: You do realize that very few people can do what the best of the best porn stars do, right? Whether it’s because of their unique moral standards or physical “assets,” there’s a scarcity of people who really stand out from the crowd—and that perhaps the market dictates that they be rewarded for such, errrm, talent (I’ll spare you the sermon on the “cost” to their eternal soul). In short: you shouldn’t be surprised, or even angered, by the gross inequalities between the wealth you acquire as an interior decorator, and the wealth acquired by titans of the porn industry.

Busta: Dude, you’re a downer. Speaking of which, I think my buddy has some drugs with your name on them. You’ll understand better once the hallucinogens kick in…

Long story short: I tried the drugs, of course. Besides Zuccoti Park turning into a big, peaceful, anthropomorphic cucumber, whatever economic lessons Busta thought might materialize never did. I might go back next weekend if they’re still there. There were some pretty pink pills I might partake in. If I play my socialist cards right, I might get them for free… Hipsters and hippies might not know about free market economics, but they certainly know how to pick some killer drugs.


One thought on “Occupy Wall Street Targets Adult Entertainment Industry

  1. Dear Doctor,

    Once again I must tell you that I am disappointed in you. Drugs now is it? Perhaps the same drugs were available during our own U.S. revolution. By your reckoning, some illicit medicament must have been present at the signings of both the Declaration of Independence and that of the Constitution. As we both know if one of Mr. Busta’s forebears was at either or both signings; he would have to have been a slave owner. Perhaps you missed that in your earlier history studies. Pity.

    My regards to your mother,


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