Knights of Mayhem: Manly Men of Manliness Do Manly Things.

Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back, and now The Knights of Mayhem are making jousting Sexy. Next up: Men wearing decapitated, bloody tiger heads as a hat. We can do this.

If you haven’t heard of The Knights of Mayhem, you should now. They’re the guys with the upcoming National Geographic reality series that brings jousting back like Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back. Charlie Andrews is the head honcho, and he puts it succinctly:

“I am the merciless God of this universe, and if you come in here to play you will get hurt. The only question is ‘When?’ and ‘How bad?'”

This is absolutely amazing. After reading about the new caveman restaurant, Sauvage, this has been the greatest weekend in a long time.

Long story short, modern society has emasculated men. If Sony created a camera that could take a picture of our souls, most men would have souls that look like Alan Alda—and there’s something wrong with that. Something very, very wrong.

Luckily, there are guys out there like Charlie Andrews, who are willing to embrace their inner brute, break bones, and cause permanent psychological trauma for our entertainment. Ultimate Fighting was a start, but just like with any good drug it was only a gateway to bigger and better things to come.

I hereby start the petition to have new arenas built, where willing gladiators will do battle with each other and animals (we can deal with PETA later) until the death. You want ratings, National Geographic? Imagine a manly man, so manly in his manliness that he chops the head off a tiger and then puts it on his own head as a bloody hat, beating his chest and wiping the blood of himself and his prey across his body with screams Howard Dean would salute.

We can do this, people! It only takes one spark to start a forest fire. Screw Smokey the Bear. He’s a p***y.

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One thought on “Knights of Mayhem: Manly Men of Manliness Do Manly Things.

  1. Dear Doctor,

    Is it such with you that animals should warrant your ire? While it may be one thing to rebuke the National Geographic Society, or for that matter a Mr. Sony, whoever he might be; need you describe the decapitation of a tiger to prove some point? What an imagination you must possess. Truthfully, I fear that you may well have been taken some, if not too many, of those “Pink Pills” you earlier described.

    Perhaps you are just tired, and well-frustrated as are we all, with events in our nation’s capital. Must you visit such vitriol upon the fauna of our small planet? Granted, tigers are ferocious, particularly the female of the species. Yet, were I you, I would not seek to decapitate a tiger, of either gender.

    Please share my sentiments with your mother.

    Sincerely,

    Silence

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