Herman Cain has officially suspended his campaign. It’s over. And in its place is thecainsolutions.com. Since a number of accusers have popped up over the past month he’s been accused of sexual harassment, language that made a woman feel “uncomfortable” (not that hard to do, but it garnered media attention), and a 13 year affair with Ginger White.
What’s most interesting about all of these women is that, in their own right, all of them that media have looked into appear to have tinctures of nuttiness at best, and full-blown weirdness at worst (e.g., charged with stalking and sued for libel). Does that mean that Cain is the victim of a massive liberal conspiracy, as he has been known to suggest? Of course not.
I now put before you an alternative, much more likely scenario: Herman Cain is a Playa Extraordinaire. My very first post was, in fact, The Cheating Manifesto for the Unrepentant Politician, so I know a thing or two about the deviant psyche. And, while I don’t like giving away too many secrets (I need them for myself), I’ll make this exception since Herman Cain appears to dabble in the dark arts of alcohol-inspired debauchery.
- If you are going to cheat on your significant other you do NOT cheat on her with a beautiful woman. Wrong move, Private. Instead, you look for the most hideous, out-of-shape specimen you can find. If you don’t have the stomach for this, do what Herman Cain (may) have done, which is to find women who possess such qualities on a psychological level.
- If you are going to cheat on your significant other, you should be able to walk up to your wife an admit you did so—only to have her laugh in your face and continue on with whatever it was she was doing when you interrupted her. If your lie is so big and “bold” (a word Herman uses often) that no one will believe it, you’ve won half the battle. The rest mostly involves being able to live with yourself, knowing that you’re a horrible person.
Note: I do not advocate doing this. In fact, I believe that such a lifestyle is not conducive to mental, physical, or spiritual health. However, if you’re going to do it (in a free society we’re also free to be stupid), then I might as well help you minimize the damage to the surrounding community. There is a certain chivalry among liars, and one rule they live by is that when it blows up it should mostly blow up in their face, with the collateral damage only being those unfortunate enough to be standing by the blast area.
Herman Cain, if you’ve done any of things you’ve been accused of, I feel sorry for your wife Gloria. The “Playas” of the world, however, salute you.