American Paradox: Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Taco

Close your eyes, open your mouth, and take a monstrous bite into a Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco. Then ask yourself if you're in Heaven or Hell. Chances are, you won't be able to tell.

America is the greatest country in the world. However, one could argue that it’s also the worst country in the world, and as evidence we must only point to Taco Bell’s newest creation: The Doritos Locos Taco. The countdown is over, and indeed it is real:

A Taco Supreme® made with premium seasoned beef, crisp lettuce, diced juicy red ripe tomatoes, real cheddar cheese, topped with cool reduced-fat sour cream, in a shell made from Nacho Cheese Doritos® Chips.

The cheap goodness of Taco Bell—where you can eat until your stomach explodes for under $10—and the nacho-cheesy goodness of Doritos all in one. What kind of awesomely twisted mind comes up with such a thing? An American mind, of course. And that’s where the genius…and the rub comes in.

You see, as brilliant as it is in its simplicity, the Doritos taco also has a dark side. Its cheesy shell is large enough, for the first time, for someone to essentially lick a wall of Doritos cheese with the entire surface area of their tongue! Combined with the guilty pleasure that is Taco Bell “meat products”, the obesity problem already facing the nation suddenly looks even more daunting than it already was.

Why do Americans keep inventing things that are incredibly awesome, yet disturbing at the same time? What’s next? Fried Cinnabon? Limited-time offers of The Big Whopper, a McDonalds Big Mac teamed up with a Burger King Whopper into a hamburger so insane it tears a black hole in the space-time continuum?

What makes America so confusing and glorious at the same time is that it’s always thinking outside the box, whether it’s with legitimately useful things (e.g., think of the inventions of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs) or incredibly stupid things (i.e., The Doritos taco from Taco Bell). The great  melting pot that is the United States carries that mindset over into its inventions, always trying to mix and match the best of things into something that’s greater than the sum of its parts.

If you find yourself driving home late from work this weekend, I highly suggest ponying up a few bucks for Taco Bell’s latest invention. As you lick the powdered cheese from your fingertips, pause and think for a second…about how much more tolerable the Irish potato famine would have been if Doritos Los Tacos existed in 1845.

My ancestors came to the United States during the Irish Potato Famine. If only Ireland embraced the kind of freedom and liberty that makes Doritos Locos Tacos possible...I'd still have red hair.

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