Next up in Seattle: Taxing sex due to increased respiration, C02 output?

Who knew environmentalists were cannibals. They’re now eating each other in Seattle, so to speak.

One would think that the endangered species known as the Republican in the region would be a bit more sane when it comes to environmental moon-battery, but alas … tis not the case.

State Rep. Ed. Orcutt recently entertained the idea of taxing bicyclists because they emit more CO2 when they’re out on the road.

Representative Ed Orcutt (R – Kalama) does not think bicycling is environmentally friendly because the activity causes cyclists to have “an increased heart rate and respiration.” …

“You can’t just say that there’s no pollution as a result of riding a bicycle.”

Mr. Orcutt then followed up with the community to acknowledge how scientifically bankrupt his point was, but that bicyclists should pay for the bikes-only road improvements they desire.

“[O]ne aspect of the Democrat tax plan that has merit is their proposed $25.00 tax on the purchase of any bicycle $500.00 or more. I am willing to consider this because I’ve heard requests from members of the bicycle community that they want more money for bicycle infrastructure. The idea of bicyclists paying for some of the infrastructure they are using is one which merits consideration.”

So Democrats in Washington want to tax Democrat-cyclists more for roads that they already pay for … and Republicans in Washington want to go along with it because they hope people are dumb enough to fall for it, and because exercise increases CO2 output. (Or not on the CO2 thing because people weren’t quite that stupid — this time.)

One way to cut C02 emissions would be to kill us all, which may be an option for politicians somewhere down the line. In the near future, perhaps you’ll be charged a tax every time you have sex, because that increases your respiration rate, and thus C02. Politicians can install cameras in our homes and watch the bedroom cams until people have sex, at which time they will ring up another green tax.

In all seriousness though, as much as I like bizarre news, this story out of Seattle is just depressing. While I don’t mind paying taxes for any number of things, and I’ll sit idly by as I’m taxed for ideas I find preposterous, eventually a culture reaches the point of no return. I have a feeling that the officials in Seattle would pass a law that would allow them to cavity search a man if they thought he was holding out on them for a “pedestrian tax” or a “coughing-fit tax” (we all get sick from time-to-time, and thus expel more CO2).

I propose a progressive stupid-tax to pay for Seattle’s roads. The dumber you are, the more you must pay. Politicians would inevitably bearing the brunt of the load.


2 thoughts on “Next up in Seattle: Taxing sex due to increased respiration, C02 output?

  1. Dear Doctor,

    Though sadly and long amiss in my attentions, I must remind you that what has endured from 13 to 50 states (and perhaps more) is our nation. In this process, the general good has been held to be paramount. Your frustration with this process is baffling to me. On the one hand you decry the rights of the states to define their laws; on the other, you insist that the federal hand is too heavy. Which is it?

    Perhaps this indelicate balance is as our forbears anticipated it to become: imbalanced.

    My very best to your mother,



    • Silence, is it not possible to discuss bad public policy, be it on the local, state or federal level?

      My mother was mauled by a Black Bear when I was a child. She died protecting me in her arms. She clutched me just long enough for a goodly park Ranger to but a bullet between the beast’s eyes, or so I’m told.

      Your constant references to my mother tear open that wound anew each time. On bad days I’ll think of your responses, and at night I’ll be tormented by nightmares. I just thought you should know that.

      —Dr. Bizarre.

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