Donald Trump soars in poll after eating feces; fans say act proves he plays by his own rules

Trump APA snap poll conducted Tuesday after billionaire Donald Trump ate his own feces on live television showed yet another spike in popularity. The Republican hopeful engaged in the odd gesture during a sit-down interview with CNN’s Chief Washington Correspondent, Jake Tapper.

“I’m going to make America great again,” Mr. Trump said while rummaging around in his underwear. “I’m going to make America great again.”

CNN’s Tapper, obviously flustered, tried to maintain some semblance of composure during the act.

“Mr. Trump, you just ate your own waste,” said Mr. Tapper. “I…I don’t know what to say. You’re going to get sick. Should I call a doctor?”

The billionaire scoffed at the question.

“Do you know who needs a doctor? Ch-EYE-na. When I make America great again. Losers.”

CNN conducted a scientific poll with 500 Republican primary voters shortly after the broadcast. Although many thought the question was a joke for some sort of satirical piece on the billionaire’s cult-like following, they eventually came around.

“Trump is going to make America great again,” said Bill McDill of Iowa. “We need a strong leader, and you can’t get stronger than a man who can stomach a plate of his own excrement. If this is true, then he’s earned my vote.”

A young man who only wished to be identified as Skrillex Dubstep said that criticism of Trump’s actions was proof that the “elite” media were out to get the man.

“The Donald thinks outside the box. In this case he’s thinking outside the butt. He plays by his own rules. I like it. I like it a lot. I don’t really have time to explain it to CNN and the GOP establishment, but it’s genius. Make America great again!”

Corey Lewandowski, Mr. Trump’s campaign manager, declined to offer much when asked for comment on the CNN spectacle.

“Right now I almost feel as though I’m operating in a piece of satire,” said Mr. Lewandowski, The Associated Press reported. “Trump voters will not be turned off to a strong leader over ‘feces-gate,’ or whatever you want to call it, so you might as well move on to the real issue — making America great again.”

When contacted about Mr. Trump’s actions, Fox News host Sean Hannity said he was “still undecided” on whether or not to back the billionaire, Satire News reported. “If America is ever going to be great again, then we can’t be sidetracked by distractions. This appears to be a distraction.”

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