Why can Alec Baldwin call a man a ‘c**k sucking f**’ but Sean Hannity can’t?

Alec Baldwin Cocksucking

I’m no fan of Sean Hannity. Let me make that clear from the get go. In fact, I think he uses Rush Limbaugh as show prep on regular occasions. When I’m in the mood to hear what right wing talk radio has to say, I want original thought. Regardless, the question must be asked: Why does MSNBC host Alec Baldwin get to call a photographer a “cock sucking fag” and Hannity doesn’t?

If the world is going to go the politically correct route, we need the sensitivity police to enforce the rules equally, do we not?

TMZ reports

Alec Baldwin is a sore winner … chasing down and threatening a photographer outside his Manhattan apartment … just hours after a courtroom victory this morning in his stalker case … and the whole thing was captured on video.

The video shows Baldwin —  who was with his wife and baby  — taking off in angry pursuit after the pap (not ours) … yelling, cursing and calling him a “c**ksucking f*g.”

It was only months ago that Alec called a reporter for the Daily Mail a “toxic little queen.” He got off (no pun intended) with that one, gets his own show on the very progressive MSNBC, and now this?  Baldwin is making it worse by claiming he did not in fact say what everyone on earth can hear him say.

Alec Baldwin is on the Twitter attack, claiming he did NOT call a reporter a “c**ksucking f*g” earlier today … he called him a “c**ksucking fathead.”

Further, Alec is threatening to sue TMZ for even suggesting that he used the homophobic slur.

Baldwin wrote, “Acoustic analysis proves the word is fathead. Fathead … Anti-gay slurs are wrong. They not only offend, but threaten hard fought tolerance of LGBT rights.”

Again, I’m no fan of Mr. Hannity, but can we all agree that he would be fired if he called a man on the street a “cock-sucking fag”? Heck, he’d probably be fired for saying “cock-sucking fathead.”

With Mr. Baldwin’s history of homophobic slurs and outbursts, one has to wonder: Why does he have so much gay on the brain? Why does the progressive television host allow gay slurs to bubble up every time he’s angry? My guess is that perhaps — just perhaps — Alec is curious about men in ways he’s unwilling to admit.

Here’s another thought: Calling a man a “cock sucking fathead” still is using gayness as an insult. Even worse, he’s painting the image of a man with a gigantic cranium giving oral sex to another man for anyone within earshot. Given that certain genetic disorders cause the human head to grow larger than normal, one can make the case that Alec Baldwin hit two birds with one sperm (or was that ‘stone’?) — he hates gay people and the disabled.

Tomorrow, I predict Alec Baldwin will say he really called the photographer one of the following terms:

  • Cock-sucking skinny nipple
  • Cock-sucking obese penis
  • Cock-sucking popsicle toe
  • Cock-sucking piano finger

Note to MSNBC: You know that if Sean Hannity did the exact same that thing Alec Baldwin did you would cover it for days and call for his head on a silver platter. Cock-sucking chunky butts everywhere expect you to do the right thing…

Michelle Obama does push-ups. Morons criticize her form.

Michelle Obama recently paid a visit to the Ellen show. While Ellen and she were making small talk, a push-up contest materialized. The two women hit the floor and started knocking them out. Good for daytime television, but bad for news…unless you’re talking about the morons who comment on said “news” pieces with personal attacks.

I don’t have much love for President Obama. In fact, I don’t have much love for ANY politician. But I have even less love for people on either side of the political aisle who would take time out of their day to make “fat” jokes about the First Lady over something as light-hearted and innocuous as her guest appearance on Ellen.

During the Bush administration, anything “W” did—and I mean anything—was immediately used as evidence of his so-called incompetence or a desire to steal your civil liberties. Likewise, there seems to be a bizarre group of people who are simply enraged at Michelle Obama’s mere existence. The Obama’s have a very nice family and two lovely kids. Michelle generally stays under the radar and has one pet issue—healthy eating. There are some legitimate public policy concerns over how she would address America’s obesity problem if she was an elected official…but overall she’s harmless. So if you find yourself calling her “fat” or “a b**ch” online after she appears on a daytime television show…then YOU probably have psychological issues. Or you’re just a really angry, bitter person.

I don’t agree with almost anything Ms. Obama says politically, but I’d rather have her as First Lady then someone with a dominant Stepford Wife gene on full display.

NBC’s Fear Factor Semen Stunt: Has America Aborted Itself?

The United States has worried about terrorism for over a deacade. Maybe it should have worried about culturally aborting itself.

Last Independence Day, I happily blogged that The United States was not New Zealand, where men and women willingly went to festivals and did shots of horse semen. Today, I sadly report that NBC’s Fear Factor plans to air a segment where contestants drink donkey semen AND urine. Has America officially aborted itself?

There are a lot of ways a country can judge its health. There are economic indicators, like the debt to GDP ratio. There are immigration statistics. There are “national mood” polls (i.e., right track/wrong track). Any number of those things can offer a snapshot into the vitality and well being of a nation. However, nationally-televised donkey semen drinking contests might be one of those “Case Closed” examples that demonstrate for everyone that the cultural state of the nation is “dead.”

For years we’ve worried about the threat of terrorists when, ironically, we’ve been killing our culture from within. Mike Judge directed the movie Idiocracy, but he didn’t need to—it’s here now. Overseas, soldiers fight for words like “freedom” and “liberty,” but they’re fighting for outdated definitions. Today, freedom is completely detached from the notion of natural rights, and is instead interpreted as “freedom to do whatever the f**k I want, consequences be damned.” The word “liberty” is divorced from the personal responsibility and self-restraint of the founders. Instead, muscled-up meat heads and fake-boobed bimbos giggle on television as losers like Joe Rogan see how little someone will self their dignity for.

The United States may have officially aborted itself. But at least the ratings were through the roof, right Joe?

Knights of Mayhem: Manly Men of Manliness Do Manly Things.

Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back, and now The Knights of Mayhem are making jousting Sexy. Next up: Men wearing decapitated, bloody tiger heads as a hat. We can do this.

If you haven’t heard of The Knights of Mayhem, you should now. They’re the guys with the upcoming National Geographic reality series that brings jousting back like Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back. Charlie Andrews is the head honcho, and he puts it succinctly:

“I am the merciless God of this universe, and if you come in here to play you will get hurt. The only question is ‘When?’ and ‘How bad?'”

This is absolutely amazing. After reading about the new caveman restaurant, Sauvage, this has been the greatest weekend in a long time.

Long story short, modern society has emasculated men. If Sony created a camera that could take a picture of our souls, most men would have souls that look like Alan Alda—and there’s something wrong with that. Something very, very wrong.

Luckily, there are guys out there like Charlie Andrews, who are willing to embrace their inner brute, break bones, and cause permanent psychological trauma for our entertainment. Ultimate Fighting was a start, but just like with any good drug it was only a gateway to bigger and better things to come.

I hereby start the petition to have new arenas built, where willing gladiators will do battle with each other and animals (we can deal with PETA later) until the death. You want ratings, National Geographic? Imagine a manly man, so manly in his manliness that he chops the head off a tiger and then puts it on his own head as a bloody hat, beating his chest and wiping the blood of himself and his prey across his body with screams Howard Dean would salute.

We can do this, people! It only takes one spark to start a forest fire. Screw Smokey the Bear. He’s a p***y.

Japan Admits: Hiroshima Turned Us Into Androgynous Dancing Freaks.

At one time in history there was Bushido. At one time in history Japan was composed of warriors. At one time in history Japan was capable of pulling off Pearl Harbor. Today? Nobody knows what the heck it is, but it’s certainly not composed of the same men that watched 66,000 of their fellow countrymen die instantly in the wake of Hiroshima—and the 75,000 that died after Nagasaki—only to still question whether or not surrendering was a good idea.

Let’s be honest: The United States created the weird, wacky, sometimes insane, sometimes crazy Japan we know today. It all started in Los Alamos (look up July 16th, 1945), and it essentially ended on August 6th later that year. We replaced the guys responsible for the Rape of Nanking with the dancing emasculated mutations that are born of nuclear war.

Most people would agree that bizarre Japanese game shows are preferable to slave labor camps, where corpses were thrown on logs and lit on fire:

When the bodies started to char, their arms and legs twitched, and they sat up as if they were alive. Smoke came out of their burned-out eyes, their mouths opened, and licks of flames came out,” (Frank, Downfall, 161).

However, one can’t help but look at today’s average Japanese male and think, “What the heck happened to you?” It’s great that Japan has joined the ranks of civilized nations, but sad that it’s known more for Hello Kitty and anime than the masculinity of its men.

If we had it all to over again, would we drop the bomb? I hope so. It was the morally correct thing to do. Japan was ready for an American land invasion with 2.5 million troops and a 28 million strong civilian militia. Estimates on American troop loss were up to a million for such an undertaking (on top of the lives that had already been lost). Not a fan of the thousands of American troops we’ve lost in Iraq? Don’t dream of urban warfare in Japan…

The moral of the story is, Japan has some serious issues. We should help get them through the ordeal. We don’t want them getting nostalgic for the Bataan Death March anytime soon, but we also should help the nation that replaced its urge for empire with the urge to be weirdly androgynous, dancing game show freaks.

These are the descendants of Bushido warriors. What happened?

Florence Henderson: I Was An Adulterer with STD’s. Buy My Very Brady Book!

Florence Henderson Greg Brady Oh FaceIt seems like every few years Florence Henderson does a round of interviews, and in those interviews she has to talk about how bad Barry Williams wanted to do her. Yes, he wrote the book Growing Up Brady. He unleashed this can of worms. But at this point Barry must be wondering why she can’t seem to let it go (even talking about those great big hands and feet he had…). Talk to Florence Henderson for longer than five minutes and you’ll get some variation on this:

“Barry did have a serious crush on me, which I understood and helped him get past,” Henderson writes. “Let us just say that if he had entertained a roll in the hay with me, I would never have done it.”

Really, Mrs. Brady? That’s so weird, because in the very same interview you feel the need to tell the world how you were an adulterer. You had no qualms cheating on your husband with a politician infested with crabs, but Barry Williams was off limits because of the age difference? She “thanks God” she “had the brains” not to do it — even though she opened the door for “one date.” Somehow I find that hard to believe, especially since NYC’s mayor John Lindsay was fair game.

“I was lonely. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. So, what did I do? I did it,” she writes in “Life is Not a Stage,” set for publication in September.

Henderson went home later that night, and awoke to a grisly surprise the next day as she saw “little black things” crawling over her bed and body.

An urgent call to a doctor took care of the problem, known medically as pubic lice, and Lindsay sent her flowers and a note of apology.

“Guess I learned the hard way that crabs do not discriminate but cross over all socioeconomic strata,” Henderson writes. “He must have had quite the active life. What a way to put the kibosh on a relationship.”

So one more time: Florence Henderson is the kind of person who cheats on her husband. She’s the kind of person who waits until years after her crab-infested partner is dead just so she can dredge up all the dirty details for his surviving relatives to hear about when the book hits. And yet, Barry Williams wasn’t worth a “role in the hay,”?

Again, I think the Mrs. Brady regrets not sleeping with Barry in his prime; that’s why she can’t stop talking about it when she gets in front of the camera. I think she’s in her golden years and she thinks about a young, strapping Greg giving her butt-burn on a green astro-turf Brady-family set after everyone went home for the night. And I think that anyone who is shameless enough to talk about dirty deeds (done dirty cheap) is someone who shouldn’t speak in absolutes.