San Fran nudity ban draws naked rage

What kind of world are we living in when a man can’t walk naked down a San Francisco street in broad daylight without Johnny Law coming down on his waxed backside? These are the times that try men’s souls, and it’s all because of Castro District’s Scott Wiener:

San Francisco may be getting ready to shed its image as a city where anything goes, including clothing.

City lawmakers are scheduled to vote Tuesday on an ordinance that would prohibit nudity in most public places, a blanket ban that represents an escalation of a two-year tiff between a devoted group of men who strut their stuff through the city’s famously gay Castro District and the supervisor who represents the area.

Supervisor Scott Wiener’s proposal would make it illegal for a person over the age of 5 to “expose his or her genitals, perineum or anal region on any public street, sidewalk, street median, parklet or plaza” or while using public transit. …

Stripped down to his sunglasses and hiking boots, McCray Winpsett, 37, said he understands the disgust of residents who would prefer not to see the body modifications and sex enhancement devices sported by some of the Castro nudists. But he thinks Wiener’s prohibition goes too far in undermining a tradition “that keeps San Francisco weird.”

Who are we to pass judgement on men who prefer to do their shopping wearing nothing but a penis pump? What kind of prudes are we, where in 2012 our community’s fine (or not fine) male specimens can’t walk through a gay part of town in the hopes that someone will like what the butcher is selling? Since when did such a proudly blue town become oppressively red?

On Nov. 6, 2012, President Obama was re-elected, and not weeks later the wards of tyranny seek to restrict a man from showing his Prince Albert off for the high school kids? Since when did Karl Rove grab control of the wheel in Nor Cal?

Colorado says “screw you” to the federal government and passes a law to legalize pot, but the citizens of San Francisco aren’t allowed to expose their “anal regions” in the subway? Talk about two steps forward, and one step back!

Listen to me, San Francisco, and listen to me hard: I’ve been to Ibiza. I’ve been to Pamplona. I ran with the bulls and I danced in soap suds while high on prescription drugs. That is a lot of fun, but one of the few things that has kept me tethered to the United States has been my ability to shove a ball gag in my mouth, strip down to my birthday suit, and skip, skip, skip to my Lou (my darlin’) down the streets of certain California wonderlands. Do not mess with my nudist-friends because they undress for success while you still cling to your monkey suits.

Let’s not turn the Castro District into the Fidel Castro District, shall we?