Obama changes his mind: On second thought, how about some U.S. troops in Syria?

US Syria troops Obama

President Obama said for years that he wasn’t going to send U.S. troops into Syria, but like the urge to kill a man with a Predator drone instead of bringing him in for interrogation (and dealing with all those legal formalities), some things are just too hard to resist.

NBC News reported Friday:

The U.S. will send a small number of U.S. special operations forces into Syria as part of a shift in its strategy against ISIS, White House officials announced Friday.

President Barack Obama has authorized a contingent of fewer than 50 commandos to deploy into northern Syria and work with moderate opposition forces who are fighting the militants.

While the White House has consistently said it would not put U.S. boots on the ground, spokesman Josh Earnest insisted that they will be there in a “train, advise and assist mission” — and not in a combat role.

President Obama says troops will only be in an “advise and assist” role like a teenage boy tells his girlfriend he’ll only put in the tip…right before accidentally impregnating her.

The key to success on the battlefield is to treat war just like a responsible but sexually-active young man treats intercourse with his girlfriend.

  • Be upfront and clear about your intentions with your partner.
  • If you go in, go all the way — but make sure to come prepared.
  • Do not commit to anything you will regret later.

Middle East map

The problem with Mr. Obama is that no one knows what his intentions are, he only sort-of-kind-of-maybe commits to allies around the globe, and as a result he ends up creating messes he must then try to fix with more diplomatic sex-games.

Consider for a moment, if you will:

  • Announcing a “red line” in Syria for Syrian President Bashar al-Assad if he uses chemical weapons, and then doing nothing once that line is crossed.
  • Calling (and treating) the Islamic State group like a “J.V. Team” as it marched across Iraq, and then having to send U.S. troops back in after having pulled them all out in 2011.
  • Announcing a pull-out date for troops in Afghanistan, which allowed Taliban and al-Qaeda terrorists to set up attack timetables accordingly. The result: U.S. troops must now stay longer in Afghanistan.

Mr. Obama is the guy who used to play kinky sex games with “safe” words, and then wondered why his partner wound up in the hospital. He is the guy who tells his date he has a condom, but then gets so drunk he forgets to put it on in the dark and winds up with a child nine months later. And his is the guy who drinks with his partner at the bar and then inexplicably leaves her alone with two male acquaintances because he wanted to go home early.

The reason the U.S. must now enter Syria in a heightened military capacity is because the president’s other diplomatic sex-games (e.g., airstrikes…airstrikes…airstrikes) have failed. He is the virgin who shows up to an orgy; the results are entirely predictable.

Here’s to all the special operators out there…especially the ones who talk dirty to me.

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DCCC: Republicans responsible for Ebola — but also original sin, diarrhea, and Elephantitis

DCCC Ebola adDCCC blames GOP for EbolaThe Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) and a liberal nonprofit organization named The Agenda Project Action Fund have blamed the Republican Party for the spread of Ebola in the U.S., but the American people haven’t bought it. Neither has The Washington Post, which called the claims “absurd.” Now, Democrats have launched a new trial balloon: Republicans are responsible for original sin, and by extension death and any number of other maladies.

In an interview with MSNBC’s Morning Joe crew on Thursday, DCCC Chairman Steve Israel blamed the “original Republicans, Adam and Eve,” for the fall of humanity and its banishment from the Garden of Eden.

Mr. Israel told Mika Brzezinski:

“Death rides a pale horse, but it wouldn’t be that way if the original Republicans, Adam and Eve, hadn’t rebelled against God. Yes, the American people are being led to believe that Ebola spreads because West Africans eating bushmeat continue to deny the existence of Ebola even as their friends and family die gruesome, painful deaths. They’ve been led to believe that CDC officials who tell Dallas hospital employees to hop aboard airplanes (even when they’re suffering from suspicious fevers) may need to be held accountable — but it’s all just smoke and mirrors.

The GOP brought on Ebola. Nay, they may have even invented it! But they also bit from the apple that is the cause of all modern-day pestilence, disease, decay and ultimately death. Voters need to hold them accountable in three weeks.

Joe Scarborough was skeptical of the claim, although he said he would ultimately reserve judgment until Fact Checkers at with PolitiFact weighed in before the weekend.

“Joe, I’m telling you, I have this on good authority. The same religious scholars who assure me God that is totally cool with killing babies in the womb while calling it ‘choice’ have presented me with incontrovertible evidence that Adam and Eve were, whether we like it or not, Republicans.”

The MSNBC panel looked around astounded, when finally its host broke the stunned silence.

“If this is true, this is going to be a game-changer,” said Mr. Scarborough. “Keep me updated.”

A spokesman for the DCCC said that it would be putting out a list of all the ailments Republicans are responsible for within days. A partial list released to the media includes:

  • Diarrhea
  • Gout
  • Cancer
  • Malaria
  • Elephantitis
  • Scabies
  • Infidelity
  • Halitosis
  • Menopause
  • Tooth decay

When asked for proof of the above claims, the DCCC spokesman simply told The Associated Press: “The proof is in the pudding, boys. They proof…is in…the pudding.”