Three Cheers for Failed U.S. Education Reform!

I’d like to thank Republicans, Democrats, techers’ unions, and lazy parents for helping to create the Morlock devolution.

There’s recently been a spate of “flash robs” across the nation, whereas bands of “urban youths” use social media sites to plan heard-robberies from local convenience stores, small businesses—or to simply attack a helpless victim for the fun of it. While some might find this trend deplorable, I (the eternal optimist), would like to look on the bright side of things. Before our very eyes we are witnessing the formation of the Morlocks H.G. Wells spoke of in The Time Machine! How cool is that? And who do we have to thank? The failing U.S. Education system, and the men and women who are committed to making it stay that way.

From the deepest recesses of my heart I say: Thank You.

Let me explain. We used to have gangsters like Al Capone. Thugs in those days knew how to make money, grow their criminal empire, bribe politicians, and were often a force to be reckoned with. They were capable of things like The Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre. The uneducated criminal back in the 1920’s and 1930’s was exponentially more worldly than today’s urban-youth flash-mobber.

Think about it: today’s hoodlums steal Twinkies and Hostess pies from Walgreens en masse. They rob sweat shirts and hoodies from clothing stores in Georgetown. The pinnacle of thought for them seems to be beating up random tourists and then posting it on Youtube or some other social media platform (where cops subsequently have an easier time arresting them). They’re morons! The troglodyte exists, and he’s the modern-America kid of whiteblackasianhispanic decent. Our societal breakdown is nearly complete, thanks to our failing education system (ignored by the “elite” in both political parties). It crosses racial boundaries, which is great because a diversity of ignorance allows us to hold our head high in the court of public opinion. Coupled with drug use and really cool video games, today’s young criminals have put my mind at ease. They’re anti-social, lazy, out-of-shape losers whose threat to society—in the long term—is nothing. Our Morlock friends are on the way to extinction, and they don’t even know it. Meanwhile, guys like you and eye will accumulate wealth and capital in the years to come. When our Japanese friends obsessed with robots finally make market-ready maids (that guys like Arnold Schwarzenegger can sleep with without having to worry about his Mr. Universe sperm impregnating), our Morlock friends will be ready to move underground.

Perhaps one day I’ll buy some Twinkies, drop them down the sewer drain, and pat myself on the back. And to think, this wonderful future is about to be ours thanks to teachers unions, selfish parents who can’t be bothered to get involved, and our Republican and Democrat representatives in Washington, DC.

H.G. Wells, you’re a socialist-genius bastard and you didn’t even know it. Kudos.

Once the Japanese create robot maids Arnold can't impregnate...the uneducated criminal-dolts will be ready to move underground. And we'll have politicians of the Schwarzenegger mold to thank for it!