Gap Inc. to roll out obese mannequins to 36 percent of stores nationwide


Gap Inc. thinks it’s about time the popular clothing company catered to a population that it will depend on for the bulk of its future sales — the obese.

Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Gap Inc., Glenn Murphy, held a press conference on Monday and announced that by the end of 2014, 36 percent of its stores will include obese mannequins.

“This is a big day for Gap Inc. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes than one-third of all U.S. adults are obese. And, while Gap. Inc. knows that obesity can lead to disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and certain types of cancer, we also know that obese people need to be clothed. That is why we are rolling out line of mannequins, so that customers can get a better idea of what clothes will look best on them.”

For the past year Gap Inc. has also considered having live obese models in store windows, who would slouch on couches while playing XBox and eating potato chips. They ditched the idea when surveys found that the move would stir zoological emotions instead of appreciation for its fashion sensitivity.

“For far too long Gap Inc. has tailored its brand to fit stylish young professionals and gay men with tight taut bodies — but America is changing. Fewer people are working and gay men are softer around the edges. These days, when people don’t work, they eat and drink. McDonalds. Burger King. Wendy’s. Coke. Pepsi. Mountain Dew. And so, Gap. Inc. will make cheaper clothes for the carb-loaded customer of tomorrow.”

Food activists, including those working closely with First Lady Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign blasted the decision, even going so far as to float the idea that Mr. Murphy — who spent 14-years with Loblaw Companies Ltd, Canada’s largest food distributor and supermarket chain —was working with “Big Soda” to exacerbate America’s weight problem.

“This stinks to high Heaven,” said a staffer with Let’s Move, who asked to remain anonymous out of fear of retribution. When obese mannequins start showing up in Banana Republic, you know the food industry and its lobbyists are in complete control.